I woke this morning around 3:00am to my son yelling out in his sleep. His fearful scream half woke him up to tears. It was just a bad dream. My husband and I comforted him quickly and slipped back into bed. With school starting soon, Larry's bad dream was just what kept me from falling back asleep. Stress took over and my thoughts drove my mind. My eyes were closed but I was awake thinking of anything but sleep. I eventually forced myself up and out of bed at 6am and read my daily reflection from a book called Sacred Space.
The big question I took from the reflection was...Can I avoid the trap of receiving too much and take gifts for granted without any real change in my life? So I started to reflect on changes that I truly felt I have made in my heart, soul and person.
I thought about a morning run this past spring where I was moved by a song by Bethany Dillon called "You Change Me." I listened to the lyrics and began to cry happily, almost a feeling empowerment and freedom. I think I felt a freedom from fears that were holding me back in my profession. This past year I stepped out of my own little comfort zone after 8 or so years of part and full time teaching in a place where I was unhappy. I finally listened and have been truly blessed. I am even attempting to write (this blog) and a little more. For me it was change...it took awhile but I listened. I wish I could do that better(that is listen). (thank you God)
I also thought about the changes I have made as a parent. I think these changes I pray for everyday. I can be a maniac, try to make everything perfect mom to boys. I have issues but I think I am aware of myself and am trying not to change my kids and overstep my bounds. I am trying to become more conscious of their thoughts, questions and their reactions. God, it is hard. Please help me listen.
Finally, the area that I am challenging myself to change...remembering the little things that matter to others. I am trying to think each day about how I help someone else. I am horrible at helping people, thanking people for little things. Jack Johnson and Ben Harper sing a song called "My Own Two Hands." It will serve as a reminder to me and hopefully my students that, "I can change the world with my own two hands. Make it a better place with my own two hands. Make it a kinder place with my own two hands, with my own, with my own, two hands." They are my source for learning and change. Simple acts. It's simple...change.
5 comments:
Your post touched me deeply. As a mother, I also feel like I can overstep my bounds. Now that I am getting back into the classroom, my children see me less during the day. The words I chose to use with them seem more important. Yesterday, we played hide-and-seek for over an hour. I realize this is the kind of attention they need from me right now as they anticipate. With the same anxiety I hold, they wait for this transition. Its good to know I'm not alone.
WOW- Thank you for sharing. Being a parent, teacher, & wife can be such a rollar coaster ride! I now hold my kids a little closer, talk with my husband a little longer, and tell my students I'm proud of them a little more. My son goes to my husband's school- It helps some. One thing that has helped in our family is that we have a special day before school starts... We make the kids their fav. breakfast, do something special that day, celebrate the new school year... I hope all goes well with transitioning back to school.
I am saying Thank You GOD for sending Katie into my professional path this past year. I am so thankful that we both made a change last year. You truly inspire.
On the parent note, I'm the queen of overstepping my boundaries, as my husband says "you just can't help yourself, can you?" No, it seems I can't, but your words will help to remind me!
Thanks Katie,
Josie
Being a teacher and a parent is a fine line isn't it? It's hard not to tell everyone what is best for your child. Not to mention giving them their freedom to "pour their own milk." I am glad that you are making changes in your life. It is how we grow and gain strength.
Arent' the first couple of weeks of school just grand when you teach first grade? How tired are you at this point? Yikes!
Wow, Katie. What a great blog. I hope this comment doesn't get "buried." I appreciate this post, because I've been thinking a lot about change too. Thanks for pushing my thinking.
Ruth
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