Thursday, August 23, 2007
I woke this morning around 3:00am to my son yelling out in his sleep. His fearful scream half woke him up to tears. It was just a bad dream. My husband and I comforted him quickly and slipped back into bed. With school starting soon, Larry's bad dream was just what kept me from falling back asleep. Stress took over and my thoughts drove my mind. My eyes were closed but I was awake thinking of anything but sleep. I eventually forced myself up and out of bed at 6am and read my daily reflection from a book called Sacred Space.
The big question I took from the reflection was...Can I avoid the trap of receiving too much and take gifts for granted without any real change in my life? So I started to reflect on changes that I truly felt I have made in my heart, soul and person.
I thought about a morning run this past spring where I was moved by a song by Bethany Dillon called "You Change Me." I listened to the lyrics and began to cry happily, almost a feeling empowerment and freedom. I think I felt a freedom from fears that were holding me back in my profession. This past year I stepped out of my own little comfort zone after 8 or so years of part and full time teaching in a place where I was unhappy. I finally listened and have been truly blessed. I am even attempting to write (this blog) and a little more. For me it was change...it took awhile but I listened. I wish I could do that better(that is listen). (thank you God)
I also thought about the changes I have made as a parent. I think these changes I pray for everyday. I can be a maniac, try to make everything perfect mom to boys. I have issues but I think I am aware of myself and am trying not to change my kids and overstep my bounds. I am trying to become more conscious of their thoughts, questions and their reactions. God, it is hard. Please help me listen.
Finally, the area that I am challenging myself to change...remembering the little things that matter to others. I am trying to think each day about how I help someone else. I am horrible at helping people, thanking people for little things. Jack Johnson and Ben Harper sing a song called "My Own Two Hands." It will serve as a reminder to me and hopefully my students that, "I can change the world with my own two hands. Make it a better place with my own two hands. Make it a kinder place with my own two hands, with my own, with my own, two hands." They are my source for learning and change. Simple acts. It's simple...change.